First the “Messy"
As any well-worn seeker, I’ve spent my share of time, energy, and resources (both the internal and hard-cash varieties), in search of the ‘one thing’ that would fix all the brokenness, and neaten all the messiness of my life. As you may have guessed, I didn’t find it. As it turns out (surprise, surprise!) there is no one single answer to life’s many complex questions, nor is there a healer, guru, religious dogma or spiritual leader (however inspired and inspiring) that can offer a viable antidote to the trials and tribulations of the human experience. It is fortunate then, that we are possessed (I believe) of the skills necessary to elevate what we can’t fix, learn where we can’t heal, and make meaning, even where we can’t make sense.
And Now the Mindful
Mindful. The word itself feels like a mini mantra to me, as though its very utterance gently nudges you a smidge closer to that oh-so-elusive but wildly delicious present moment. But what is mindfulness really? Here goes my definition:
But what happens when the thoughts presently running around your head are a toxic, tangled mess? When your emotions have taken over the reigns and are pulling you in every which direction? When your body seems to be at war with your mind?
The gentle resting of our attention on what's happening within and around us, without judgment, attachment, denial, or disregard. It is state in which we're both alert and receptive, able to observe our thoughts, emotions, sensations, and experiences without reacting to them, feeding them into a narrative or storyline, or attributing any particular meaning to them.
Well that's just yummy.But what happens when the thoughts presently running around your head are a toxic, tangled mess? When your emotions have taken over the reigns and are pulling you in every which direction? When your body seems to be at war with your mind?
Conventional mindfulness says "stay present-tense"
'Messy-life' mindfulness says "not necessarily!"
While some may argue that the present is where it's at, regardless of your mental or emotional state, I say it only becomes a prime destination when it's a healthy hospitable place to be.
Mindfulness practices are–as you might have guessed–exercises designed to cultivate an awareness of the aforementioned present moment. Consistent here-and-nowness can be tough though even for the most well-balanced amongst us; for those of us with a mental health challenge or two, it can be nearly impossible to sustain. And, the simple fact is, some of us don't want to be up close and personal with the present all the time. It can be mighty unpleasant, if not downright scary!
I mean, have you ever tried sitting still for twenty minutes while your gut is twisted up in knots of aching despair? How about paying close attention to the frantic pounding of your heart during a ten-minute panic attack? Perhaps you've attempted to watch as your hand goes round and round a dirty dish as suggested by a mindfulness expert when all you wanted to do was crawl into a hole?
Now I believe wholeheartedly in the transformational potential of being present. It can absolutely increase our tolerance for discomfort and our ability to skillfully manage life’s ups and downs. But, our awareness—wherever it’s focused—is only as good as the foundation it’s built on.
I mean, have you ever tried sitting still for twenty minutes while your gut is twisted up in knots of aching despair? How about paying close attention to the frantic pounding of your heart during a ten-minute panic attack? Perhaps you've attempted to watch as your hand goes round and round a dirty dish as suggested by a mindfulness expert when all you wanted to do was crawl into a hole?
Now I believe wholeheartedly in the transformational potential of being present. It can absolutely increase our tolerance for discomfort and our ability to skillfully manage life’s ups and downs. But, our awareness—wherever it’s focused—is only as good as the foundation it’s built on.
If, for instance, we are continually “aware” of painful emotions but show ourselves no compassion, then what good is our awareness? If we’re aware of negative thoughts about ourselves but don’t believe we can change them, then again, how does that help us? And if we’re aware of something that triggers our anxiety but have no tools to mitigate it..once again, awareness alone falls short.
Conventional mindfulness says “sit with the hard stuff"
'Messy-life' mindfulness says "you may want to dance instead"
Ultimately, I think we’ve first got to figure out how to recognize and tame our demons so that when we reach the present, it’s a both a safe space, and a place we actually want to be. This is mindfulness that encourages emotional awareness and acceptance in just the right dose to facilitate healing without the potential for harm. No one knows more about this than the author of Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness David Treleavan, PhD, so check him out!
Conventional mindfulness says "the past is not your friend"
'Messy-life' mindfulness says "the past offers critical clues"
Conventional mindfulness says "the future is a distraction"
'Messy-life' mindfulness says "sometimes we need a little distraction!"
Which is all to say that there are many ways to be mindful! It may take some trial and error to see what works for you, but trust that any version of mindfulness is a boon for your mental health.
4 comments
I love the distinction you make between conventional and messy-life mindfulness. Sometimes it feels good to daydream! And dance :)
ReplyDeleteBrava, Elizabeth! Such good insights and suggestions..staying present can take so many forms. Sending much love!
ReplyDeleteMany thanks Ahimsa! So appreciate your support :)
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